k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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