One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
