Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
