We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
