I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
