i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
