Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
