i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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