You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
