so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm always down for nudity.
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