Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
