I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
