so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
