yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
