i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
