I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
4 words: hood of his car
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
