I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
