please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
