grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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