So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
