You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
