What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
