HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
