I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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