the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The uberlube is also flammable
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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