im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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