I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i drank out of a bidet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
