just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
