Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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