Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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