Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
