so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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