Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
