Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
