this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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