What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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