...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
