:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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