is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
