So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
