I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
