she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
