My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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