I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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