Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
