I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
