I want to make a zoo with you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
