The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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