Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
