Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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