I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
