Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
