a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
