I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
