Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
