I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
