wakey wakey hands off snakey
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
