This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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