one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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