The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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