So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
