Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
