Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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