Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize