how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
