When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
