There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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