my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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