I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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