I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
