Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
