Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
