We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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