why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
